When Pigs Fly

Everyone has heard the old saying, “When pigs fly.” That’s the punch line on the new GEICO commercial but the weird thing is that I’ve watched that commercial 5 or 6 times and the actress says the punch line so softly that I can’t hear what she is saying. The scene is a pig sitting on an airplane using his PDA to do something when the flight attendants come by and tells him to shut it off. They talk for a couple minutes about the GEICO app and then one of them turns away and says, “I’ll believe that when pigs fly.” As she walks away, the pig says, “Did she really just say that?” and a fellow passenger just shrugs.

It’s cute the first couple of times you see it, but I’m sick of it by now and don’t like the way the flight attendant talks so low that I can’t her it. All I see is a smirking woman sashaying away from the pig. It’s not really funny. And it doesn’t make me want to call GEICO to buy insurance from them, either.

Should We Really Celebrate Columbus Day?

That happy story we were fed back in grade school about how Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America is pretty not true and not as glorious as the teachers wanted us to believe. We know that Columbus didn’t come to the mainland USA, and that he did not bring good things with him – he brought disease, rape and slavery with him. So why do we celebrate Columbus Day? I think we should stop it and find someone worthy to recognize that has done actual good things for our country.

Why Has Candy Gotten So Expensive?

At the grocery store last night and I saw the two aisles in the middle of the store for “seasonal” items was full of big bags of candy. So I went over and looked at what they’ve got. I don’t usually get many trick or treaters at my house, but I like to keep a bag or two of candy handy just in case this year we get more goblins than expected.

They have big bags of candy but when you lift up the bag you notice that it doesn’t really have much in it. The bags have more empty air than candy bars, fro chrissake. And the price is crazy high for one bag – they want to charge anywhere from $4 to $9 for one bag of mixed Snickers/Milky Way/ Three Musketeers. I don’t know how many little candy bars are in the bag, but I think it is only about 25-30 pieces. And when they are tiny bite size like that, you can’t just give a goblin one of them 0 you have to give them at least two or three pieces.

I think I would rather just go to Sam’s Club and buy a big box of full size candy bars. The total cost per treat will probably be close to the same as giving out several bite size pieces and I think that the single bar makes more of a statement. I will give each goblin one bar and probably be a hero to the ones who come to my neighborhood this year.

My Bank is So Screwed Up

Money is tight and maybe its just me, but I always thought that the fucking banks are supposed to take money and put it in an account for you – its still YOUR fucking money, even though they are keeping it safe for you. Right?

So, I put my paycheck in the bank last week and I went to an ATM to get some gas money and the ATM wouldn’t give me any fucking money! I’m like, what the fuck?

So I go park the car and walk inside the bank and stand in line forever and when I finally get up to the teller I find out that the bank has charged my account some fees and there’s no money left in my account. So I just got paid and now I’m broke.

But then I ask what the fees are for and they tell me and it makes no sense. Like, when was I notified of all these fees? And they play it off and try to fuck me over about it. But it’s not making sense to me and I ask to see it on paper. Well, after all that bullshit it turns out that it was the bank’s mistake. Those fees were never supposed to come out of my account at all. So I’m like, give me my fucking money – I’m outta here.

I closed that fucking account and have my cash money in hand. When I get my next paycheck I’ll go open a new account at some other bank. I’m too pissed off to deal with any more bank shit today.

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